Today wasn’t my favorite day, but it was still very much distinctly an Engagement day. For the last week the family drama at home has been brewing, and it escalated last night between my dad and me over his drinking and smoking habits, which only happened because I want him to be alive and healthy for our marriage and our children. I felt sick both physically and emotionally from that stress. I know I made a stupid offhand comment about our Bulls game plans this week and I know that it became a thing for no reason.
Later in the night I called you for a dialogue and told you that I knew it was a stupid thing to say and apologized. I also asked if you could give me some slack this week even though I know that you have a lot on your plate too and weren’t having a good day. I told you, and I think you heard me, that I do very much care, all the time, how you are feeling – whether bad or good. I thought it was really good, even if it wasn’t all sparkles and rainbows. Because we both took responsibility immediately and listened, and all of our work on communication is clearly paying off. Which we are doing because we want to start our married life with the best communication tools we can, and it means so much to me that we are being so conscious of developing together.
I know I said I needed the evening to cool off from the family stuff and just sort of putter around mindlessly cleaning things or making messes or just making noise even, and you understood and I think are busy too with everything going on at work, and are probably still at the office at 1am as I write this. I know that everyone says that after you’re married, you start savoring those nights with the place to yourself. And I guess I do understand it. But I’m not there yet, and dammit I really missed you. It takes a family crisis to virtually peel myself away from you and to choose staying by myself rather than seeing you if I can, but even so I miss you and want nothing more than to press my cheeck up against your [temporary] beard and snuggle up. And I’m totally fine with not needing these nights. I’ll savor them when the time comes. For now I’ll savor missing you and being so butterflies-in-my-stomach in love with you that even when I’m the one insisting I should really just take a breather, I still sit here thinking only of you. While doing other things, sure, but it’s always running in the background. Ctrl+Alt+Delete into the task manager and you’ll see yourself there in my brain on the processes tab, 100% of the time. NERD ALERT!
Oh, and because I was feeling pretty down, I did something so very typically Engagement so that it would put a smile on my face to end the night: I polished my ring! And then I just sat there starinng at it sparkling. The most beautiful ring in the universe, and it’s mine. And so are you. All mine. Muahaha.
Remembering our Engagement 