Remembering our Engagement

All the memories that are making this the most special time of my life.

For better or worse

on April 5, 2012

Today my brother called and told me that his feelings had escalated about my dad’s behavior and bad habits (smoking, drinking) and that he was asking my support in intervening in some way. It was a long, difficult conversation which, over the last 20 years, I have learned to believe has  no way out and no answer. My dad hasn’t changed.

You had earlier told me you had a late night at work and then needed to study for the GMAT. I (having turned over a new leaf in my ability to support you in what you need to be doing, and not just focusing on my desire to be around you 100% of the time) told you that was fine if it worked for you.

But when I told you that I have a lot going on, that my family had started talking again about intervening with my dad, you said you were going to cut out of work early to be with me and talk to me, that if i needed you you would be there. I know that this is new, that I haven’t opened up about that situation much until lately, though it’s been there my whole life. And though you could have just worried about what you were stepping into, and though I told you it might be best to have a day to think it over and talk tomorrow, you showed nothing less than your readiness to come over to talk. You said that I can talk to you about these things. You essentially said, “I am here.”

I hope we don’t always have to talk about these things. I hope this doesn’t come into our married life. I hope that my father’s choices improve, or eventually stop controlling so many aspects of our lives, and never need to affect yours by association. But that seems unlikely, given the way things have gone so far, and the fact that you are there to support me in it all, and share in the discussions, makes me feel  so much more confident about going forward in life with or without a healthy, or even living father, the way things are going.

No, this isn’t one of those things that I will look back on smling about how wonderful our engagement time was, how happy I was that my brother was thinking about cutting off my dad and that my dad was a ripe candidate for a heart attack. But I will look back and remember this moment as a time that I realized I have a life companion, someone who is there for me through thick and thin, who will put aside work and without a word just be there. That makes all the difference to me right now.

I am marrying a good man.

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